A Letter to My Children:

I was looking over my old college transcript before sending it to my new job, and it reminded me of something important. Your mother used to operate at a level of badassery that most people cannot comprehend.

Back in 1999 and 2000, I had a quick second run at my university before life entered warp speed. Two babies fifteen months apart. So, I stepped away from school again because motherhood was going to be the only thing I had time for.

Between 2000 and 2005, life decided to see how many Molotov Cocktails it could lob my way. My husband’s car accident, months of hospitals and rehab for his traumatic brain injury, two babies in diapers, panic attacks, job loss, divorce, and one small mental breakdown that resulted in a 5150 hold and time served in an-oh-so-wonderful state care facility.  But I kept going because apparently I didn’t know how to slow down, and quitting was not an option.

Then in 2004, I thought I married my best friend. I paid for my own beautiful wedding, my oldest girls had their own bracelets and vows, and for a minute I let myself believe my life was finally changing for the better. Then his secrets came out, he vanished, and the next day I found out I was pregnant with Talia. It was December. Christmas was coming. And I had to sit my girls down for one of the two most difficult conversations I’ve had in my life.

So naturally, I decided this was the perfect time to go back to the university full-time. Not only did I need to be employable, but I needed to achieve an income level to support myself and three children.

Animal Science is not an easy, cute‑animals degree. I had to take physics, calculus, organic chemistry, and write a lot of papers.  I took finals while having Braxton Hicks contractions. I was big and round, and the desks were small.  After Talia was born, I was nursing her while taking sixteen credit hours in my final two semesters. She hated formula, and the daycare had trouble getting her to take a bottle. I carried a breast pump and a cooler everywhere and managed to travel across campus and pump in the ten-minute breaks between classes.

I continued to work part time at the law firm the whole time. Thank the gods for daycare assistance.

I also had to finish labs at the swine farm, sheep farm, dairy barn, and horse barn. That meant outfit changes in my car and baby-wipe baths before work. In my swine class, I brought Dana and  Evelyn to my weekend shift to check on newborn piglets.  I know Dana remembers that.  Evelyn might; I’m not sure.

And through all of this, I didn’t drop a single class. My semester GPAs were 3.9, 3.4, and 3.8, respectively. I graduated with a 3.4 overall GPA as a single mom with a 6-year-old, a 5-year-old, and an 11-month-old.

“Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in our gods’ world by mistake.” Every single challenge is meant to shape us into the person the universe wants us to be.

I hope that this story can help you when life is bombing you with your own Molotov Cocktails, when you are exhausted, when your kids are climbing the walls, or when you find yourself at a crossroads and you’re unsure of the way forward.  Never doubt yourselves. Each of you are made from Kevlar and carbon-fiber, and the pressures of this world will are already turning you into diamonds.

I love you girls with all of my heart. 

Love,

Mom